


36. Better With Friends

by adventuresinjoyland



Category: Betrayal at House on the Hill
Genre: Children, Gen, Maidens, Secret Passages, ghoooooooosts, rowboat games, unexpected jesus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 11:23:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7435612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adventuresinjoyland/pseuds/adventuresinjoyland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>THE SPIRITS TRIED TO SILENCE ME. I PERSIST.</p><p>(We got drunk and played a two-person game of Betrayal. It was great!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	36. Better With Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Words in _italics_ are flavor text from the game itself; words in **bold** are the names of cards and tiles. Everything except the maidens really happened!

A lady who sees ghosts and her niece who likes dead things went to a haunted house; it seemed like the thing to do. The niece peeled left and was **bitten**. She began to scream. The lady followed the screaming but found a **creepy puppet** instead. She slew the puppet. A watching **mirror** found her worthy, and gifted her a suit of **armor.**

The niece found an **organ room** , but it did not have the kinds of organs that she liked.

The lady entered a **chapel**. This felt like foreshadowing. From behind, she heard someone approaching. It was not Jesus. Instead a **groundskeeper** _hit her in the face with a shovel._

The child went to **a room with many games** , and also dead animals. Dead animals have always been her friends. They told her of **something hidden**. It was **dynamite**.

The lady woke up with **a great sense of inner peace** and also a concussion. Due to her potential brain injury, she could not use the sound of screaming to locate her niece. She wandered.

Free of her adult, the child found an **abandoned room** with a **book**. She sat down to read.

The lady sought a new path and went upstairs. An attic opened up before her. A ghost! In a _Civil War dress!_ The spirits had not abandoned her! The **Lost One** took her by the hand and whispered, “you are responsible for a god damned child.” The ghost took the lady back downstairs.

The book taught the child many things, including the location of the **library**. Because the child was so smart, she felt that there were secrets in the **library**. The anatomy book she selected did not contain diagrams, but instead a small and rust-stained **safe**. Inside was a **blood dagger** , which sang for happiness as _needles and tubes extended from the handle and plunged into her veins._

The lady got a snack. She nearly broke her tooth on a **ring** inside her Cocoa Puffs. As soon as she put on the **ring,** clarity came upon her like a cold wind. The dead called to her. She opened the door into a **graveyard.** As she knelt to thank the spirits, a grave opened beneath her **.** The lady tumbled helplessly down a **secret staircase** to land in the **basement**. The **grave dirt** fell upon her. _Something is wrong._

Meanwhile, the unsupervised child fell down a **coal chute**.

The lady saw the child land in the basement and ran to her. The lady cried out in relief to see her niece safe, but the **grave dirt** _choked her_. She begged the child to stay put, and ran to the open air of the **graveyard**.

The child did not stay put. The child explored the **crypt**. **Something Slimy** touched her. _What’s around her ankle? A bug? A tentacle? A dead hand clawing?_ She was very excited to find out. But the child looked too fast, and her visitor disappeared.

The lady gasped the clean air. She returned to reclaim the child. Instead the lady found an **underground lake.** The child must have drowned! But in the lake there were women who sang mesmerizing songs. They led her to their **secret passage**.

The girl found a chasm with a rickety bridge across it. She decided to go somewhere else.

The secret passage brought the lady to a **library.** Inside she found new knowledge of herself. Every book she opened read, YOU ARE GAY.

The girl found a **mystic** **elevator**. Much better. She got in! It just took her to the **underground lake.** She did not bother to get out.

The lady descended the **secret passage** , hoping to share her newfound wisdom with the lovely maidens. There stood the child! The lady ran into the elevator and whisked them both away to the **upper landing.**

The child ran ahead again through a **collapsing room**. It delivered her to an **operating laboratory.** She could play here all day.

The lady could not cross the **collapsed room** after the child. She edged her way to a **store room.** There she found an **amulet.** This necklace was probably evil, but in the next room, she found one that felt like Jesus. With the ring, she was now 66.6% holy!

Once she had finished bedazzling, the lady realized that THE **HAUNT** HAD BEEN TRIGGERED.

HER NIECE WHO LIKED DEAD THINGS WAS ALSO DEAD.

WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

The water was rising.

The ghost child ran to the **Attic**. She punched a **rowboat**. She was not strong but she punched SCIENTIFICALLY and damaged it.

The water was rising.

The lady followed the light of Jesus to a **tower.** This was the wrong way, but it felt like foreshadowing.

The child punched the **rowboat** again. Scientifically.

The water was rising.

The lady raced into the **attic** and snatched the **rowboat** from the child’s tiny, weak, _betubed_ hands.

 **ROWBOATS** ARE HEAVY.

The lady staggered into the **landing.** The extremely fast child followed her, ran a circle around her, and then punched her. Scientifically! The lady dropped the **rowboat**. The gleeful child stole it back.

The water was rising.

The lady prayed to her magic, yonic **ring** and discovered that she could use the power of her faith/ **sanity** to fight this unusually fast child. She stole the **rowboat** back!

The **rowboat** was still heavy. The lady staggered to the **laboratory**. She was afeared, for science was the the child’s greatest strength.

The child punched her really hard.

The water was rising.

The child reveled in her possession of the **rowboat.** The **rowboat** was all she wanted. She forgot to kill the woman, or punch the **rowboat**. If she punched the **rowboat** she would not have it any more. And if she killed the lady, there would be no one to play **rowboat** games with.

It was a mistake to only bring one adult.

The lady used the light of Jesus to steal the **rowboat** once more. She dragged it to the **tower**. Beneath her, floodwaters bore up the boat of mesmerizing maidens.

The lady balanced her **rowboat** atop the **tower** railing. The child was coming. She climbed inside, carefully, so carefully.

WE HEARD YOU DID SOME SELF DISCOVERY, the maidens yelled.

YOLO, cried the lady, and shoved off into the abyss. 

In the end, the child was alone. She forgot her win conditions and her **dynamite** because she did not have a properly developed prefrontal cortex. She lost.

Do not do anything before you are an adult.


End file.
